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April 28, 2005] |
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mood |
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 thinking |
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music |
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Sugarcult-memory (thanks to bret) |
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deciphering whether bret will come up and stay with me in the summer or I shall go down there. I'm probably going to go down there to see Emily anyway. So I don't know, Em is coming in August to. So many plans.
All in all is well for now.
even though the clouds are out, and the shades are down.
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April 24, 2005] |
happy
birthday
to
me.
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April 21, 2005] |
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| Kiss me one last time |
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April 20, 2005] |
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mood |
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 chipper |
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music |
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The Ataris- ? |
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man this has got to be one of the best fucking vacations ever. i mean i really havn't done anything but have kj over and thats some deff. major points in order of making this break good. Then tonight I get to hang out with some more friends at youth group fuck yeah. they all better be there. tomorrow I'm sleeping over my mothers house then friday we're going BIRTHDAY shopping..um well because yeah my birthday IS sunday..fuckers. also the weather is GORGEOUS. holy shit im so amazed and greatful. yesterday was perfect..only because kj came over lol. the sky was so freaking clear. not a cloud in sight and it was soooo blue and the temperature was wonderful. all i seem to be doing is looking out at the window onto the water, right now the waves are moving..but they are moving with grace.ha. ::sigh:: i remember kj playing guitar on my couch for me. now that was amazing. if i could i'd post the videos because well i recorded some with my ca-mer-a. it's amazing, HE'S amazing. and well if you put him and i togher thats just to much amazement to handle. i remeber the way he smelt:-) it was just like i remembered back in july. and the way he tasted after i kissed him. then i saw him smile, which blew my mind and all the thoughts in it.
my plans for the weekend..hm well saturday i wanted to hang out with my friend matt who i had not seen since october. check out a movie ya know chill at the mall , something. ummm sundayy i have no idea whats going on then. I'm probably going to have like 3 cakes. one from my mom one from my dad and i have no fucking clue what heathers parents are doing for me. I don't care i love them anyway.
.wooo i'm one happy girl.
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April 18, 2005] |
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mood |
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 blank |
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music |
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We're So Far away-MAE |
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.Horizon Organic Chocolate milk is hella tight.
This morning I woke up at 11:45...then I decided I'd make crepes while listening to MAE. I did, and I ate alone, but the funny thing is, is that everyone is home. But the only thing that is going on right now in my head is, well rex, and the gathering last night. Rex, because he's gone for Florida today *snifles* now I have no one in walking distance to chillax with over spring break. I was so souped to, because Rex and I had just kinda started hanging out alot more lately. Anyhoo, yes the gathering. It was amazing last night. We got there around 5:35 and there were some kids out on the church lawn, and some inside, fiddling with the sound system thing and lights. Katie kept teasing me about something but it's not important. There was this lady Rosa who told us about her trip to El Salvador and when she left the main stage area thing, the lights of blue, green, purple, pink and other colors shined on the emptry intruments. No one had them in there hands, they wre just lying on the floor untouched. one bass, two guitars and one drum set with wires everywhere. and the shadows they made were amazing, right then and there i wish i had my camera. it was wicked nice, today is one of the youth leaders birthday and next week is mine, and well they brought out two cupcakes with candles in them and they all sang happy birthday to us:-) it was one of those candles you couldn't blow out..hey that just means more wishes! I wished them all the same, even though those don't count unless your real birthday..damn which one is mine, i'm going to have two cakes, one with my mom and one with my dad and ashley.
In other events, I don't know what to do about KJ. we fight so fucking much, basically over this stupid thing. maybe i should get rid of it, or maybe i should just write in it, say what is TRUELY going on inside my head and not let anyone except my best friend Heather see. Cause you know not everyone puts what they truely feel on this thing, it's just kind of an updation on your life with little things missing and your not going to tell the world your most inner secrets, ones that you can only let yourself know.
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[ | |
April 17, 2005] |
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Wonderful times, wonderful times. holy crap, today and yesterday= amazing. today was more amazing though. i'm gonna go on and talk about and not be ashamed of it. i go to this gathering thing every month for my youth group and others all over rhode island and such and its so amazing to go to because its fun and you meet alot of new people. but i slept over katies last night so i could go to the gathering tonight on account of it being up north this time. saw some amazing people, rex knows..teehee. and i'm just so happy. theres another lock in april 29-30 and i cannot wait even though my precious katie will be at prom and winning prom queen of corse..sigh..well theres erm a kinda a situation going on right now i have to go
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| Did you know how you would move me? When the lights came upon us and we saw the everglow. |
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April 16, 2005] |
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mood |
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 thinking |
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music |
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Suspension by Mae |
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memories are coming back to me, and it's making me rather sad. memories of North Carolina, memories of Emily, and..well memories of Bret. i don't know where my memories are taking me with Bret though. i guess I miss the presence of him around me, miss him always next to me. And for the past week, i've felt so alone. when i came back to school, i saw so many people just paired up. a dear friend of mine, paired up with others during class, seeing people happy, laughing. i was talking to someone yesterday, i asked him if he got butterflies or get nervous when he was around his girlfriend, he said he did. and well, i'd give anything to feel that again. to let go of ones hand and feel your own and it's all sweaty from the hands being so tightly together for such a long time. i miss waking up excited to know that i get to see someone special to me today. i mean, i just want to wake up in someone elses arms. i want go on walks, i want to be at there house, iI want to not be uncomfortable when i'm around them but still feel those butterflies of excitement.
Bleh today and tomorrow should be good days though.
I'm staying at a good friend Katie's house tonight and we're gonna watcch invader zim-a-thon, and maybe work on her prom dress. she got nominated for prom queen, i'm so proud of her. Then tomorrow I get to hang with people I havn't since January. I can't wait.
yesterday ashley dropped me off at the providence place mall where i just walked around the third floor until someone noticed that they had seen me before so i worked me way to the 2nd floor then back to the 3rd...then for about 2 hours i was in borders. i love that store. i got a new cd in newbury. mae-the everglow. man this is some very very good music. i can't seem to stop myself from listening to it all the time now.
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| Your Mom |
[ | |
April 8, 2005] |
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Junior "anti-prom" hahahaa..lol.Yes it was at Phils tonight, it was so freaking awesome man! I got there around 4 and these dudes Henery, Pat and Slatney, and Phil and Chris B. were there kinda like..well I don't know..getting ready? But I'm kinda lazy explaining all this but there was..Phil, Chris, Chris, ben, henery, pat, abe, abes MOM..naw im joking, shelly, stephanie, pete, josh d, dan p, bobby c, brittany, corill, and oh my if i forgot anyone,,whoops
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| come back i know you feel the same speechless i don't know what to say to you to pull us through |
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April 5, 2005] |
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mood |
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 blah |
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Just trying to get by. Today was..well like any other day except better, even though I have no reasons for it to be better. Other than the sun being out, and shining on my face. It's nice to see/feel it again. Next time I'm wearing my sun glasses.hella tight. After school I walked to Calebs with him, and we hung out for about 20 mins, trying to lift weights..that I couldn't and he could. I took an orange and some fig newtons. I walked back to school around 2:30 and my back was hurting because of the back pack. I got some water and then saw Cady, Morgan K, and Kathy, stood with them for a bit. I laughed. Then came along good ole' Brett. We all laughed. Then at 3, caught the late bus. I also didn't take the bus home because well Rex wasn't going to be on it, and I find it rather boring when you sit on a bus all alone..even thought I had to the ride home on the late bus. It's okay it's all for good means.
I actually had a smile on my face all day. It was rather surprising. But it felt good.
Out to dinner tonight with the rent/step-rent/ step-rent's brother in law. Confused? Good. I hope it somewhere good like Seven Moons...mmm Fried Ice Cream.
It's wierd I feel all happy, pleasent, calm and well I look outside and it's so serene. The pond in my front yard, the water is so still. But I really don't know what I'm feeling right now. Rather awkward. I know i'm a little disapointed in my rents because they havn't because I've been home all weekend..havn't left house so they've been out late, and they sleep in when I go to school, and they aren't home when I get home. So bleh I don't care anymore.
.I'm done...
maybe later.
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[ | |
March 29, 2005] |
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mood |
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numb |
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music |
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My North Carolina mix cd I made |
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Last night, was the last night spent in North Carolina. Everyone was there at Emily's. George, Bret, Blaine, Cameron, Kristin, Tappey and well, Emily. We played Trivia Pursuite 90's Edition, though Bret and I lost like whoa and stoped playing half way because I was tierd and..other suches*wink. But early we went to Bret's out in the boonies lol, much fun. But this morning when I woke up, I realized I was starting to cry, by the time I was leaving to say goodbye to Emily, my eyes were pouring with tears. I gave Emily a long hug and that was it. I got into the car, and I was still crying...getting on the plane still crying..and as I type this i'm crying. I will never forget this trip, the people I met and the time spent with Emily. I've also come to realize that Emily is the person that completes me. I've been so upset and depressed lately and I now why. Emily isn't here anymore. I told my dad that to, If I had a chance to move to North Carolina I wouldn't wait a second. All my things would be packed. The friends she has are amazing and hard to find. Everyone I mentioned a little before. Thank you Bret, for giving me an awesome time. On the plane, I was sitting alone just staring out the window, trying my hardest not to make any noise because I was crying that hard. I miss it and everyone so much. But crying showed that I had one HELL of a time. I'm so upset I can hardly see the keys on the keyboard, I don't feel like eating and im hungry, I don't feel like moving or talking. I just want to go back.
I love you all.
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[ | |
March 28, 2005] |
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mood |
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tired |
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music |
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Seether ftg. Amy Lee- Broken |
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( ONE HELL OF A NIGHT )
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[ | |
March 27, 2005] |
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mood |
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 shitty |
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music |
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Boxcar Racer- I feel So |
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Ah it's 12:39am Im talking with Tappey and Rex online. I'm feeling quite shitty..well like making out reasons, liking people reasons, friend reasons, depression reasons, rhode island reasons. But what Rex and I have concluded is that I'm probably going to feel shitty when I go back to Rhode Island. I'm so happy right now. Emily is lying in a bed...3 ft away from me it's amazing. The thing that would be missing in my life is right here in front of me. It feels she hasn't really left to begin with. I don't know what to think anymore, I've been absorbed to so much lately, I mean I actually smoked a cigarette today bleh tasted horrible and burned my throat. Made out again tonight, this time it didn't to seem to be as great as the ..first time or maybe 2nd time or 3rd? last count though it didn't feel the same because of...friends and liking people reasons. Im so lost. Don't know what I want. Forgetting important people forgetting whats important. Am i maybe forgetting who i am? I don'tknow I'm turning in, its 12:47 now..damn took me a fucking long time to write this..
Tappey gave me his potty mouth, FUCK YOU..im joking I love you tappey
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[ | |
March 21, 2005] |
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mood |
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cheerful |
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music |
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Good Ridance- Greenday |
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Goodness Gracious. Well things have happened that I really don't feel like saying..all I can and want to say is that now I can maybe hook up with some kids down in NC and not feel bad at all muwahahaa. I'm stil happy for you too KJ. Anyway 3 fucking days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Western Civ project I have to work on plus clenaing my room PLUS packing. Hm what to do what to do. Well I know to work on my prject now then go clean my room then sort some shit out...YAY
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emotakeoverme's journal
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